Miscarriage, Part I

Deciding to Start a Family

Friday 13th January 2012, I was out celebrating my birthday with my husband, and it was on this date we decided we’d like to plan a family. I admitted to my husband that I probably wasn’t ready at that very moment, but given that it usually takes a year of trying to conceive and 9 months of pregnancy, I thought I’d be ready by then.

I wasn’t expecting to fall pregnant the very first month.

We were so excited, so many thoughts about what would lie ahead.

I wanted to tell family straight away (I’m known for not being able to hold my own water!) I picked up my phone and as I went to ring my parents, my brother rang. He was ringing to tell me his partner was pregnant, and due exactly the same time as us. My parents were told twice in one day that they were to be grandparents for the first time, and there would be two grandchildren! Shortly after we also found out that my sister-in-law was due at the same time as us. Three babies would be joining our family all at the same time. Two other mums to share the pregnancy ups and downs with. I couldn’t wait!

I was about 8 weeks pregnant, and I’d had about a month to get used to the idea of being pregnant. A month to think about the future, a month to wonder what our baby would be like.

Then it Happened

I’ll never forget the day it started. My husband had gone to his parents on Sunday afternoon, as we did every week. But I stayed at home. I started to bleed. I rang him straight away and he came home. I rang mum (who is a nurse), we also read so many articles online that seemed to reassure us that bleeding can be quite common, and normal, and not to worry.

The bleeding continued, and got heavier, the cramps get stronger and we took a trip to A&E. They booked us in on Monday morning to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit (EPAU) to have an early scan. They confirmed our worst fear, the pregnancy had “failed”.

Breaking the news to those we had told was awful. The following weeks and months were truly heartbreaking. Watching the other two mums grow their babies hurt like hell. We were told over and over that “these things happen” and that “our time will come”. The statistics were repeated to us, one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. We were told that it seems more common because we find out so early now. People who haven’t been though miscarriage or baby loss say these things as they simply don’t know what to say. They didn’t want to cause hurt or upset. All I could wonder is “why me?”

Trying Again

We were told to try to conceive when we felt ready. I really wanted to try to again quite quickly. I somehow thought it would be easier if I was pregnant by the time the two babies arrived. Every month when my period arrived, it was like another knife through my heart. I continued to watch two babies grow inside their mums tummy’s, I’d listen to plans of their imminent arrivals, and try to cover up my jealousy. It was SO unfair.

I would shop for baby gifts for the new babies, and look at things I wanted. I looked at what I would like dress our baby in.

My niece arrived first, my first niece. I was so excited to meet her, but I was crying inside. It was so close our due date. I couldn’t stop thinking that it should be us with a newborn baby. My nephew arrived a few weeks later. Again I was excited to meet him but hurting all along. Forever I will now have two babies to remind me of the due date of our first baby. I still wasn’t pregnant.

I’d been so incredibly lucky to fall pregnant the first month of trying the first time, but why was it taking so long to conceive for a second time. Had the miscarriage caused a problem that I didn’t know about?

I thought I’d wait until it had been a year until seeking medical advice.

What happened next? Part II coming soon

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