Our journey to starting a family started with heartbreak and miscarriage (Miscarriage, Part I)
However, with the start of a new year brought fresh hope, would 2013 be our year?
We had been trying to conceive since about July after our miscarriage in May. One year to the month of finding out for the first time, we found out for a second time that I was pregnant. Our baby would be due around the same time as our first one would have been born.
I was a lot more cautious this time about telling people. I was a lot more anxious in the early weeks and I was constantly worried that something was wrong. We decided to go with One to One midwives, which is a service local to us (One to One)
“The One to One service provides each woman with a named, dedicated midwife, who will provide the vast majority of your care through the antenatal period, birth (if you choose a homebirth) and throughout your postnatal care. Our midwives achieve over 90% continuity of carer, this means that for over 90% of your care you will see your dedicated midwife. This builds a relationship based on mutual trust and respect which will ensure that you and your partner become active participants and decision makers in your care”
This was so important to us, as explaining my medical history every time I saw a different medical profession was upsetting, and I knew with One to One I’d only have to explain things once.
Also, the midwife that was appointed to us had a lot of personal experience of miscarriage. She understood completely my concerns and worries.
This time when the bleeding started, I knew. The cramps were horribly familiar. This time I knew I was losing our baby without being told. This time things happened a lot quicker. Our bathroom looked like a murder scene, our baby was falling away from me, and I could not stop it. I couldn’t stop my tears from stinging my face. The memories of this night will never fade.
I went to A&E again, and again I was given an appointment at the EPAU. Once again we were told the pregnancy had “failed”.
Now I not only wondered “why” I started to wonder what was wrong with me. I seemed to be able to get pregnant, but not able to carry a baby after 8 weeks. I started to look into miscarriages, and came across something called “recurrent miscarriage”.
Medically this is when you experience three miscarriages in succession. I found out that because I’d only had two miscarriages, I wasn’t eligible to have any tests into recurrent miscarriage. If I wanted any answers I may have to endure this excruciating pain a third time? I understand with the NHS there has to be a line drawn somewhere, and as we’ve been told so many times, miscarriage is surprisingly more common than we first realised. But again, it felt so unfair that nothing could be done. There seemed to be no support.
While we were having follow up, there was a poster on the hospital wall. The poster was for a project, and it was targeting women who had had at least one miscarriage and were looking to conceive in the next year. That was us, I was eligible.
“The TABLET trial is an important research study which is looking at the role of thyroid antibodies in women with unexplained miscarriage.
The researchers are particularly interested in seeing whether a drug called Levothyroxine reduces the risk of miscarriage in women who have thyroid antibodies even though their thyroid hormones are in the normal range” (TABLET Trial)
I had the test for thyroid antibodies, and it came back as negative. I didn’t have thyroid antibodies, so I wasn’t eligible for the study. Good news that it wasn’t my thyroid causing miscarriage, but we had no answers. I was 18 months down the line from planning a family, with 2 miscarriages and no understanding of why. Where can we go from here?